Guilty Pleasures: A Diary by Harry Potter
by chauncey fufinono
Summary: Harry Potter has found the love of his life and now he is documenting his adventures in his new diary.
1. The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex

We disclaim. We don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters or anything. They all belong to JK Rowling. WEEEE!

Chapter One- "The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex"

Hello. I'm Harry, Harry Potter.

It isn't usually like me to keep a diary. It is such a feminine act and I, Harry Potter, am NOT girly.

However, I have no one to talk to at this crucial point in my life. I know I'm supposed to defeat Voldemort and everything, but this new matter in my life is much more intense and all-consuming. Ever since Dumbledore told me about the prophecy I have had plenty of time to overcome that obstacle in my life and it's safe to say I am now over that and have accepted the fact that I have to defeat the darkest wizard of all time. Now I am dealing with something more powerful.

I, Harry Potter, am in love.

This is a very new feeling for me and boy is it extraordinary. Sleep doesn't come easy. Food has no taste. Quidditch doesn't give me the same satisfaction as it once did. It feels like everything is just all locked up inside of me and I'm about to break! All I can think about is the one person who really makes me feel alive at such tragic times like this.

I cannot talk about this with anyone else. Ron is off swooning over the delightful Professor Sprout. Hermione is obsessing over the mysterious Professor Flitwick. If a man can't talk to his two best friends about the love of his life who else can he turn to? I've even tried going to Hagrid about this matter but he's beginning to hold some strange grudge against Professor Dumbledore! My last resort was my faithful friend Mrs. Norris, but Filch got all tiffy with me and shooed me away!

And so this is why I have decided to get a diary.

Now back to the wonderful angel of my heart. This person is everything that I have been searching for. I met them back in third year but at that time I was too immature to realize that love was knocking on my door. This person is funny and beautiful and smart and very adventurous. I can't believe I didn't see it three years ago! The only act of our love that we have embarked on is innocent flirting. Physical contact is very hard to get to at the moment, but I am sure looking forward to that! It's like this person can see into my soul. They understand me in a way that someone like Cho Chang never could. This person looked at me today whilst I was on my way to dreaded Potions class and I just got this humongous bubbly feeling in my tummy! No one has ever made me feel that before. This person sees the inner beauty I hold within myself and they have the ability to make me feel like the most special man alive.

However there are several problems keeping me from my love. Dementors keep threatening to attack Hogwarts, my beloved home. Moaning Myrtle is terribly ill and I fear for her life, even though she's a ghost. Ron and Hermione won't speak to me anymore because they say I don't understand them. Seamus is threatening to murder Hedwig whilst I sleep. Malfoy and his goons have stolen all my underwear. Crookshanks won't even look at me anymore. And to make matters worse, no one wants to be on the Gryffindor Quidditch team with me anymore so I'm forced to play against the other house teams by myself. My whole world is falling apart and the only thing I can think about is my love.

All I can think about is Sir Cadogan.


	2. Gypsy Love

Chapter Two- Gypsy Love

Tonight was the Welcome-Back-to-Hogwarts-the-Greatest-Time-You'll-Ever-Have Ball. It's been a very intimidating night for me. There was the whole problem of whom I was going to attend this glorious event with because my only friends at the moment are Hedwig, Mrs. Norris, and Crookshanks. I seriously considered going with one of them, but Filch and Hermione are so furious with me at the moment that I didn't dare step over that boundary line. And Hedwig despises social events.

So then I traveled the long journey to Grimmauld Place through Floo Powder so I could have my late uncle's spiritual presence help and inspire me through this decision. I was there hours on end contemplating every possibility; however my thoughts continued to get sidetracked by the impending thought of my love. He was back at the castle, all alone. He wasn't allowed to go to the party for he and the Fat Lady caused some very humongous mischief at the Welcome-Back-to-Hogwarts-the-Greatest-Time-You'll-Ever-Have Feast. I cried for an hour after that. The first ball of the year and I couldn't ask the one person that I truly wanted to be with.

Suddenly I heard a bang. I went to investigate and there I saw him, it was that mischievous character Kreacher taking a midnight bath, a ritual we both share. He was startled, shocked even. Then he began to bay at the moon. I joined him, the moonlight bathing over us with its wonderful glow. It felt like I was with Sir Cadogan again. Then it struck me, an idea! My scar started hurting I was so excited. Of course I asked Kreacher to attend the ball with me. He was hesitant at first; he had never gone to such a glamorous event before. I assured him that he would fit in right away.

So then we set off to find the perfect attire for him. Kreacher took me by the hand and said, "This way, Master." Of course I couldn't deny that boy like face. We hurried our way into Sirius's old bedchamber. This room touched me in a way I hadn't felt since I first learned of Sirius's death. I was unsure of myself and Kreacher being in here. But then Kreacher smiled at me and I knew that this is where I wanted to be.

Kreacher opened up Sirius's closet and I peeked in. Mostly I saw black suits and other masculine clothes. But then, peeking through the back of the closet was a pink and purple frilly dress. It was mystical, "Sirius liked to play dress up," Kreacher stated. This thought excited me even more. Then I had mixed emotions. How would this dress fit small, petite Kreacher? But Kreacher must have seen the questioned features on my face for he waved his hand and with a dramatic poof, the dress became his size. He tried it on and it fit perfectly. It clung to all the right places. He was beautiful. I began to cry again.

After this event I was very excited about the ball.

The past few days were a blissful blur. Quidditch practice with myself was going great and I couldn't wait for the ball. After the two letters I received from Kreacher I knew that he couldn't wait either.

The night of the ball was upon us, but I have to admit that I was feeling a tad guilty about Sir Cadogan. I had been a bit distant towards him lately. I only sent him twelve love notes as opposed to my usual fifty. And I think he was beginning to avoid me at all costs.

But this didn't bring me down. As Kreacher entered the Gryffindor common room in that magical dress I greeted him enthusiastically. We headed to the Great Hall to the party. As we entered everyone looked at us in a strange way. I think it was jealousy that I could see in their eyes. It didn't matter to me. I was so happy to be there with Kreacher.

Kreacher and I danced and sang and partied for hours. But then I had to make a quick trip to the powder room. When I returned I couldn't find Kreacher anywhere! He was like my disappearing princess. I looked everywhere until I finally spotted him. He was chatting lively with that Neville Longbottom! I couldn't believe it. I thought we had something special. As Kreacher reached out to touch Neville's hand my scar boiled with fury. I couldn't take this anymore.

I ran and I ran until I reached Filch's bedchamber. I knew Filch was at the ball with Mrs. Norris so I went right on in. I poured bubbles in his bathtub and sat down. I thought about the past week's occurrences.

I had been so stupid! I completely lost sight of who I was just for a pretty face like Kreacher's. I missed Sir Cadogan. I just wanted to hear him laugh, see him smile once more.

As I ran to Sir Cadogan's hallway a slow beautiful ballad began to play. When I reached him, he opened his mouth to say something. "Shh. Don't say a word," I told him. Then I grabbed his painting off the wall and began to glide with it. We were dancing all across the hall. I felt like I was floating on air. I had never felt so alive in my life. This is where I wanted to be. I closed my eyes and let my feelings take over. I listened to the song and felt the gold trim of his painting underneath my fingertips. My body tingled all over. I wanted to see his beautiful face once again. Slowly I opened my eyes reluctant to leave this haze of bliss.

But when I opened my eyes, he wasn't there. At first I was in denial, he was just playing a game. But then I realized he had gone. The cold reality hit me like a slap in the face. But then I remembered the warm feelings that were overtaking me just moments before. Then I skipped slowly back to the common room. It was the best night of my life.

And all I can think about is Sir Cadogan.


	3. Marry the Man Today

Chapter Three- Marry The Man Today

I've been very sensitive about this topic in my life but now I feel that it is time to come out into the open.

It all started a week ago. I was prepping up for the big Quidditch match against Slytherin by breathing deeply and taking my usual bubble bath with Kreacher. We had made up soon after the Welcome-Back-to-Hogwarts-the-Greatest-Time-You'll-Ever-Have Ball and agreed that we just weren't meant to be. So we started our daily ritual of bath time together where he confided in me about his feelings for Neville and how Neville's grandmother was trying to keep them apart. In return I listened because I was still not ready to talk to anyone about my undying love for Sir Cadogan.

So we spent about an hour's time conversing until I had to retreat to the Quidditch field. As I rushed to the match my body began to feel those familiar feelings of nervousness that I first felt at my very first Quidditch match. Luckily Oliver Wood was there for me then. But as I was dealing with these feelings I saw him. Sir Cadogan was snogging with the Fat Lady! I couldn't believe my eyes. This was too much.

Tears were streaming down my face. Suddenly the excitement left my body and I was overcome with a feeling of emptiness that I hadn't felt since Cedric died. But then I straightened up. I remembered the words Kreacher told me as I got out of the bathtub. "You look hot in that Quidditch uniform," he said. I was inspired. I wouldn't let Sir Cadogan ruin my big game, my chance to shine. With a firm jaw I exited Hogwarts and retreated to the field.

But there was something wrong. I heard no cheers, no laughter, no joy. What was going on? When I entered the field I looked around and saw no one. Was the game cancelled? This couldn't be happening! First Sir Cadogan and now this? But then I heard "Harry, we're over here!" It was Professor Snape. He was up in the teachers' stand with Hagrid, Madame Pince, Professor Sprout, and the rest of the teachers.

"Where is everyone?" I asked.

They told me no one else in the school wanted anything to do with Quidditch if I was involved. The professors then told me the only reason they were there was because it was required of them. But then I noticed someone was missing.

"Er…where's Professor Dumbledore?" I asked.

No one answered. But I did see Hagrid purposely avoid my gaze and look around nervously.

"Down here Harry!" someone yelled.

It was Madame Hooch. She was standing down on the field. Then she gracefully flew up to the middle. I followed suit.

"Now I want a clean game Harry!" she demanded.

Confidant that I would win, I watched as the balls were released.

To say it was a horrible game would be an understatement. I lost terribly. And the worst thing is I was playing against myself! I don't understand anybody anymore. It seems that life has no meaning. I cried for two hours. The only thing that brightened my night of misery was when Kreacher brought me a cup of cocoa, but he forgot the marshmallows! After seeing this I rushed out of the common room.

As I skipped down a hallway I saw a glorious sight. The Fat Lady was yelling at Sir Cadogan! A foolish grin spread across my face as I saw the Fat Lady slap Sir Cadogan and run off with a giraffe in the painting. As I stared I saw a tear slip down Sir Cadogan's beautiful face. I ran up to him and pulled his painting into a warm embrace. I closed my eyes, happy once more. But when I opened them he was gone again! But this didn't matter. The feelings of my love for Sir Cadogan rushed back through my body and I was truly happy once more.

It doesn't matter that I have to play Quidditch alone. It doesn't matter that Dumbledore is missing. It doesn't matter that Kreacher is my only confidant.

All I can think about is Sir Cadogan.


End file.
